Why You’re Not Earning What You’re Worth

Did you know that a man is four times more likely than a woman to ask for a raise? [Source] Four times. Just think about that.

Because you rarely get what you deserve without asking for it.

This is not the post I intended to write today. In fact, I was just going to post a quick notice that I’d be absent from this blog for a few weeks since I’m currently designing a whole new website (yeah, pretty exciting!). However, while I try to keep the tone of this blog and the rest of my brand incredibly upbeat, the truth is, I’ve been dealing with a rather unpleasant incident.

I want to share my experience with you – because, unfortunate as it is, I think it is far from rare and my own story might help a fellow bosslady.

Boss Man’s Got Me Down

I left the corporate world so I could be my own boss. Although self-employment seems to be a constant uphill journey, I’m proud to be building equity in myself. While I technically “work for myself” I still do contract design work for corporate clients and ultimately, my paycheck still comes from that “Boss Man.”

A couple of weeks ago, after politely inquiring about the status of a very late payment, for a project I had completed five weeks prior, I was met with a request to discount my rate. A shady reply, the email said something to the effect of, ‘Oopsie! We didn’t budget properly. I guess we can’t afford you. Please accept less money.”

Shut. The. Front. Door.

I was stunned. I had a long relationship these people. This was not my first time working for them and my hourly rate hadn’t changed.

Their lack of planning and ultimately questionable business practices shouldn’t have been thrown on me. But they were.

Wondering if I would ever see my check I caved and offered a (slight) discount, with a healthy serving of “this is not how I do business.”

It’s Not Your Fault

Ladies, from the time we’re born, we’re socialized differently than our male counterparts. While boys receive high-fives and chest bumps for being “tough” we get a doting pat on the head while being told how “sweet” we are. Is it any wonder we struggle to stand our ground in the workplace?

I am struck by the irony of the fact that this all went down on International Women’s Day. Would Boss Man have asked this of a male designer? I don’t know. Would a male designer have offered a discount? I doubt it.

I felt a visceral response – a deep compassion and connection to our mothers and grandmothers who sacrificed and paved the way for us to have equality in the workplace, equal pay and equal opportunity. Well, at least the aspirations of these ideals.

Here’s the thing, Girlboss, whether you’re working a 9-5 or striking it out on your own, the business world is cutthroat and it’s still very much a man’s world. Bossmen can roll their eyes all they want but the truth is, ladies, we’re still making $0.79 to every dollar they pull in. [Source] The numbers don’t lie.

So what do we do? Well the first thing is to know what you’re worth. And I’m not talking about your self worth, because girl, that is immeasurable – don’t for one minute confuse a monetary amount with your soul’s value. But there is a number that an hour or a day of your work is worth, and it’s probably higher than you think.

Decide what that number is and don’t accept less than it. Certainly don’t accept less after the work is finished and you should be charging a late fee on payments not received.

No one is going to rescue you and give you everything you deserve. You have to ask for it. In fact, you have to demand it sometimes.

Sweet But Not Soft

I tossed and turned in bed the night after I received that unconscionable request. If life has taught me anything it’s to not react immediately in a difficult situation because you’ll be, well, reactionary. Instead I’ve learned, when possible, to “sleep on it.” I tell you, though, sleep was hard to come by that night.

I laid awake, in the dark, wondering if I had done something wrong. Maybe Boss Man was right and my hourly rate was too high?

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Stop right there.

A typical female response, in the midst of Boss Man’s shenanigans I started to think I had done wrong – to apologize for someone else’s mistake. Women are conditioned to apologize. In fact, it’s been said that we “use the word ‘sorry’ as everything from a way to interject (our) thoughts into a conversation to a way of prefacing any request for help.” [Gwen Moran | Fast Company]. This is actually a sign of weakness – so, sorry, not sorry.

I crafted my response. And it wasn’t sweet. It also wasn’t mean. It wasn’t vindictive. And it wasn’t passive-aggressive. It was just brutally honest. I described the amount of work that I had put into this project – exactly what had been asked of me. That my hourly rate was not news. And that it is really in poor form to try to negotiate a lower rate after the fact.

Well, the message was received. The response wasn’t pleasant but I was promised a prompt payment and at my FULL rate (not the discount I had offered).

Boo-Yah.

Despite the immense heartburn over this situation, I’m grateful for it. My optimistic heart views this as a learning experience and a chance to grow. I’ve found that I can be sweet but I don’t have to be soft.

The Bosslady Sisterhood

It isn’t easy standing up for yourself. More than being told to be sweet, we’re expected to be compliant and agreeable. It’s hard to stand up and say “un uh, that’s not right.”

The thought of backlash is terrifying.

We might decide it’s easier to keep our head down, to accept what we get and never ask for anything better. But I’m here to tell you, while advocating for yourself isn’t easy, it’s worth it.

Ask for that raise, that promotion, that equal opportunity. Ask for what you deserve. Do it for yourself and do it for your bosslady sisters. Because when we stand up for ourselves we’re standing up for each other. We’re saying, “No. WE expect better.”

I’ve got your back, Bosslady.

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As a serendipitous epilogue to this tale, I received a sweet thank you card in the mail a few days later from a different client who was so grateful for the work I had done for her that she actually felt compelled to send me a $50 gift card.

Apparently she thinks I’m worth MORE than my standard rate.

xoxo.

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Moriah Riona is a Colorado Springs based graphic designer and photographer specializing in sophisticated branding and glamorous weddings.

All content © Moriah Riona LLC, 2016.